We Are Who God Has Made Us

A little over a month ago, I was sitting with a friend from work and talking about the same nonsense and little jokes that had defined our friendship. I think we both knew then, correctly, that this was probably the last time that we would get to talk, here at least. He had been ill for a very long time and last week his body finally gave in.

Thinking back on that conversation, I'm overwhelmed by how happy he was. He had always been happy like that from the first time I met him, always ready with a quick joke or a funny story (or a strong opinion). Whenever I think about him, or a number of other people I've known over the years facing extreme difficulties with joy, I'm both astounded and convicted.

I want so badly to be happy, but I so rarely feel that way. So many things in my life are good; knowing how I am now with my relatively small problems, I'm terrified to think how I would feel (and how I would act!) with any problem of serious weight.

Thinking about my friend over this past weekend, I wondered Can I be as happy as he was? Is the difference in our resilience due to some lack of effort on my part, or due to something I lack as a person? Is this a problem of not doing the right things, or not being the right things?

This morning I happened to read a bit out of Ephesians that, more or less, contained the title of this post. So often in my life, I've felt that there is something missing from who I am that prevents me from being the person I'm supposed to be. But I was so struck by the phrase “we are who God has made us” this morning, almost as though being OK as I am is scandalous. Reflecting now on it, I'm reminded of a passage from New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton that I often turn to when I feel like there is something deeply wrong with who I am:

A tree gives glory to God by being a tree. For in being what God means it to be it is obeying [God]. It “consents,” so to speak, to [God's] creative love. It is expressing an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God, and therefore a tree imitates God by being a tree.