The Long Rejection

I moved to LA to work at a church. There was no money to pay men, but the church was growing and vibrant, and there was the possibility that it could turn into a paying position within a few months. After about a year, it was starting to become clear that the church was not interested in paying me. I took a bit of a step back, but I worked there in a variety of volunteer roles for another four years.

For some reason I thought that if I just tried hard enough I'd be able to get them to appreciate and accept me in the ways I wanted. But the reality was that no matter what I did, it was never going to be the situation that I was after. It was just a five year long rejection.

I still don't know how to tell whether a situation is one in which the virtuous act is to push through the difficulty and improve the situation, or if it is one in which such behavior accomplished nothing but a slow burning self-destruction.